First of all, I have a MAJOR phobia: doctors & hospitals. I've had it since childhood, and any suggestion of need to visit either results in elevated pulse and blood pressure and near anxiety attack. After over 20 years associated with a home health agency, my fears have been re-enforced with countless episodes of quick rush to incorrect diagnosis resulting in pain, injury, and in some cases death.

So now, in my 50's I've got this problem of my own that I'm deeply concerned over and absolutely horrified at the prospect of seeking professional help. (there are NO financial concerns in my fear)

Over a month ago I felt a lump to the left of my left testicle, feeling there one night when I felt a slight burning in that area while laying on my side with my legs together. Since that time I probably feel it a thousand times a day, mostly from anxiety. If I sit upright in a chair, especially a hard chair, it becomes larger and defined, perhaps the size of my thumb in the area of tip to first knucle. Laying around at night in loose clothes, and I can usually find some trace, but it's more like a jellyfish and sometimes almost not findable, although there's usually a feeling of several large veins.

Reading the internet for hours/days/weeks, I've come to the following conclusions: It could be some level of Epididymitis, or hydrocele. Of course the worst fear is a tumor/malignancy, but hope or possibly denial makes me lean toward the previous two. There is some varying discomfort in the lower abdomen, and also in the sides where I'd think the kidneys are, but NO sypmptoms of nausea, signs of blood from either end or other abnormalities.

I've found this website very informative in the short time I've spent here since I discovered it, but unfortunately there hasn't been much written here to begin some confidence level that a trip to a urologist would have a positive outcome.

I would have to say that the discomfort during the night has seemed to improve some over the last couple of weeks, but I've been getting a lot of bedrest daily, hoping if there was some infection somewhere that it would help my natural immune system in it's battle.

So far this hasn't resulted in any real pain, (just some minor discomfort of course coupled with anxiety/fear) and hasn't seemed to affect sexual function.

I've been sitting in front of the computer now for over an hour and the damn thing is about the size of an M & M peanut and relatively firm, but I'm relatively sure if I go lay down it'll disipate in a few minutes.

Thoughts and comments welcomed.